Converting a lesbian

by Katharina Korczok

When Laura and her girlfriend are walking down the streets of Maastricht they don’t kiss. And if they are holding hands they can feel the glances and know they might be in the spotlight of gossip. Demonstrations fighting for the equality of same-sex couples may seem to have dwindled, but today, discussions of same sex marriage or adoption rights for homosexual couples are still a hot topic. However, societal views in popular culture still create a world where only a handful of popular footballers or rappers feel comfortable to come out.

Apparently, there is still a long road to go until we reach full tolerance and respect. France and Germany are both struggling with discussions about the legalization of gay and lesbian marriage. The topic of adoption rights for homosexual couples is even more controversial. Despite this, Stern magazine reveals that 74 percent of the German population support marriage between homosexuals. In 2001, the Netherlands has been the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage.

However, marriage or adoption is not an issue for Laura. When I meet her at her apartment, she hurries to tell me that it was never a big problem for her to be lesbian. What bothers her most is that some people don’t accept her and her girlfriend as a serious couple. They rather see them as being in an experimental phase that they will eventually get over. Laura finds men in particular to have a problem dealing with the situation. “Every guy thinks that it is very sexy and wants to convert you or have a threesome”, explains Laura. The jokes and stories might have been funny when Laura heard them for the first time, but after awhile the ever-same reaction become annoying.

Laura is an attractive woman, long brown hair and a self-confident smile on the face. She came out when she was sixteen and her friends accepted her completely, as it is just a part of who she is. Laura never had problems telling people about her sexuality. “There was only one fear before coming out. I was afraid that every girl might think that I’m into her.” And indeed, while men often downplay their insecurity with some macho jokes, there are still some women who feel threatened by the presence of a lesbian girl.

Other girls are more curious about lesbians, seeing a one night stand with a woman as a sexual adventure and an experience you have to have once in your life. “But I don’t want to be an experiment”, stresses Laura. Her girlfriend Sarah had been curious, too. Before Laura, she never had any experience with a lesbian relationship. This was one year ago, and after being friends with benefits, Sarah had to acknowledge that she had developed feelings for Laura. Today the two are happily in love. Nevertheless, Laura is sometimes reluctant to make the relationship too public. “I don’t want to have my second name ‘lesbian’, so that if anybody talks about me they would label me that way”. And this is the problem. It is the insecurity about the unknown and the resulting reduction of people to their sexuality.

Lots of people are curious about how it feels to be a lesbian, women are sometimes afraid a lesbian might fall in love with her, or men accept her as a challenge to prove their ultimate masculinity. But when this happens, the person behind these struggles gets lost. And even if people are not homophobic and try to have an open-minded spirit, they miss the obvious. Whether gay, lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual, people are not an experiment or a challenge, nor are they into every person belonging to the gender they are attracted to. We are all just people living in a society with a diversity of sexual orientations and we should not make a bigger deal out of it than accepting a different taste of music or style. Laws can give equality in theory but attitudes show that some people do not give the same value or respect to same-sex couples than they do of heterosexual couples. Attitudes change slowly and while they finally reached politics, they still need to get to daily life. Walking down the street, hand in hand, and kissing your partner whenever you feel like it, might be the most valuable freedom.

photo courtesy of ‘Mummyish’.com

Katharina Korczok
Katharina Korczok

4 thoughts on “Converting a lesbian”

  1. I find homosexuality in general most displeasing. It goes against the teachings of Jesus and other faith leaders. But he did teach respect and tolerance. In the Catholic Church to which I belong there is a great deal of respect and tolerance, which I share. I also support the continued teachings that homosexuality is morally wrong when homosexuals practice a sexual relationship. Chastity is the savour for homosexuals. At the same time, public displays of affection is displeasing in all cases across all genders and sexualities. One should lead ones private life in private, as it is exactly that, private.

    1. Dear Donald, I respect religious beliefs, I really do, but I simply cannot understand this. Maybe you can help me out. A poet ones said that “Love is love in beggars as in kings” this is true. Love is not more or less valuable depending on your standing in society and it also does not loose any value depending on the sex the person you love has. Love is love: it gives you ultimate joy and heartbreaks. But it does not make a difference between sexes. It is the greatest feeling we humans can have. In my view, it is what makes us human. We cannot choose who we fall in love with. So why is it so hard for us to be happy for everyone who experiences love? Why would we think it “displeasing” when two people are in love? Why would any love that is not between a man and a woman be morally wrong, when Christianity and Jesus are all about love?

  2. Marina, the teachings of the Church are very clear: homosexuality is a sin, but no exclusion will take place unless you sacrament the relationship, i.e. you partake in sexual contact with your partner. While you live in sin as a homosexual, the sin is static and forgiveness can prevail if you have the feelings but don’t act on them. So, the distaste exists for the love, but its the actual homosexual act which causes the bigger issue. Who knows your thoughts, maybe you want to murder someone, but you never do it, no one knows the sin you considered except you and God. And God sees that you did not act on it. This is like original sin and temptation. You never fulfilled the temptation. So, if you are practising sexual relations, this is sinful and immoral. But if not, you will be forgiven in a quicker amount of time. Let’s not forget that Jesus forgives everyone if they are truly sorry.

    1. Donald? Did you just compare homosexual sex to murder? I really don’t think that you can draw such comparisons. Yes the church regards both as a sin. But then sex for fun is a sin as well and should only be a means for reproduction and not many people live an abstinent life ( and the church is not making such big fuss about that ). Having said that I do not really see the difference between two women or men having sex for fun or a man and a woman having sex for fun. In both cases it comes all down to being a sin and . I think some of the statements in the bible and other holy books are simply out of date ( let’s just for a second consider the role of women in society). Some might still be applicable, others aren’t. I guess this is a matter of belief, so if you believe its a sin you have to accept that others might think differently and still live their life their way, if they have sex with a woman or man does not really make a difference to you. I generally believe that people should not interfere with other peoples lifestyles if they are not closely connected to each other. I might give my friends advice on things or might argue with them because I care for them but I would never want to change a fundamental part of their personality.I don’t think that anybody is just wanting to tempt women and men to become homosexuals. I think its anchored in their personality and unchangeable. But I guess this is an endless debate.

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