The Fortune of Those Closest to the Ground

by Judith Schuermans

Since I reached maturity, there was always one thing I desired to change about my appearance. My pocket-sized legs. This part of my body was the one I felt most ‘distant’ to. Those little creatures were my biggest enemies. Why would God put me on this earth, barely able to look above the counter top  and allow society to nominate long legs as a beauty standard? It took me a long time to figure this out, but now I know.

The fortune of those closest to the ground


Firstly, I am sure that the survival rates of short-legged people are higher than tall people. You know, if I stumble and fall, the distance between my head and the ground is relatively small. So I am sure that my chances of getting a fatal head injury declines along with the centimetres that my legs are lacking. Also, when there is a fire, people who are bigger than me will faint first as the smoke will find its way to the ceiling. I will use them as my personal indicators of fire and when they drop, I will be the first one to find my way outside.

Secondly, when thinking about my appearance, I can also find some benefits. I will never look like a giraffe when wearing my new lovely heels, and that one adorable pair of trousers which I want to buy will never be too small. Nevertheless, I really get annoyed if I cannot keep up with the big footsteps my friends take. But now I realise that although I am often left behind, I actually get more exercise every day as one of their steps equals two steps for me. As a result, if I were born with longer legs, I am sure I would be more chubby. Also, the risk of walking into a dog turd with my new shoes is smaller because I have a closer view of the ground beneath me.

Thirdly, Looking from my wallet’s point of view, abbreviated legs are more economical. During my lifetime, I do not have to spend much money on shaving cream, razor blades and lotion since the surface area of my legs is smaller than that of an average person. I can even argue that my mini-legs entail efficiency.  If I drop something, my legs will allow me to pick up an item faster than a person with longer ones, due to the decreased distance needed to be covered.  And more importantly, I will never have problems when it comes to legroom. Nobody will ever sit so comfortable in the train, bus or airplane as short-legged me. I do not have to fold myself in order to fit in the seat. No, I just sit there, letting my legs dangle and enjoying the view out of the window.

Short-legged people, be proud of your stumps!

Judith Schuermans
Judith Schuermans
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