by Judith Schuermans
The winter hasn’t even started yet and I already want to hide in my bed under my snug blanket for the next few freezing and gloomy months. I just want to lay there with some hot chocolate milk and cookies, while I browse through 9gag with the feeling that my brain cells are committing suicide.
My former roommate was always so delighted to see the first snowflake dancing towards the ground. When he looked out of the window in the morning, he started whooping ‘SNOWWWW’. Those mornings, my undercover psychopathic feelings arose, which made me want to smother him in the snow he liked so much. I am just not capable of understanding people who love this white mud chilling on the streets. I have to admit that snowy, untouched landscapes look picturesque, when I observe it from a distance in my warm room while wearing my pink fluffy socks. But don’t ask me to go outside for a walk while my boots, not made for these slippery circumstances, are destroyed by the salt which people scattered to melt the ice.
This weather is turning me into a grumpy and lazy soul. My alarm clock in the morning is my biggest enemy and getting out of my comfy bed is harder than avoiding Jehovah’s witnesses in front of your door. My genes believe that it is very beneficial to sharpen my appetite to shape an extra fat layer to protect my body for bone-chilling temperatures. However, my genes are ignorant, since they do not realise that gaining weight will make me even feel more miserable. If I would not revolt against my genes, after three months, I would sit naked in front of my mirror, crying and blaming myself for being so uncontrollable. Ten minutes later, I would order French fries with joppiesaus to fill my lack of social contacts, which I lost due to desertion.
I may be slightly exaggerating, but these meteorological conditions make people want to imprison themselves, hibernating until the first sunbeam of spring rests on their eyelids. ‘Seasonal affective disorder’ is the scientific name given by academics for this phenomenon, where people experience depressive symptoms during the winter or summer. However, there are treatments to defeat this winter blues, such as waking up every morning at the same time, consume nourishments which contain vitamin D and B12, and even some light therapy.
This year will be different as this cold season, I will knock down my depression and the snow will not get me down. In winter, you are going to find me in my self-made igloo, playing with my former housemate who, by the way, is not ‘former’ due to our differences in opinion on snow and/that time I buried him in snow.”